There has to be a name for this form of psychological disorder that I’m suffering from, I can’t possibly be the only one, I obviously need to seek help. However, at last its here ! – the first day of my trout season. For the past week I haven’t been able to settle. Yesterday was awful, I was up very early, but the day just dragged, I was like a child waiting for Christmas. I also had a mirror image behaviour pattern of the one I had a day after last season ended, different only that this time I’m in a good humour. I fiddled with the contents of my fishing bag, checked the end of my fly line for the third time, pondered over the nail knot and wondered whether I ought to redo it – again, checked the laces in my wading boots, randomly opened and closed fly boxes to scan their contents, had minor panic attacks that I’d wasted so many days of the winter, merrymaking with friends and family, which has now resulted in me realising that five or six hundred flies is absolutely inadequate for the 2012 trout season. I just know that, in some category, I will be short of the subtle pattern\colour\size variations essential for the weather\temperature\light\seasonal vagaries that I am bound to meet in the coming months……. just because I can’t be specific at the moment, doesn’t mean that I’m wrong.
The next problem I have looming is that my wife is being absolutely unreasonable, she will undoubtedly expect, as in previous years, a holiday during the summer and another one with our children, their partners and grandchildren ! – well this years going to be different, I’m going to be one of those Northern brooding macho men, moody glowering looks, stubble, demand a meal on the table when I want it, I’m going to be putting my foot down, there’s only one pair of trousers in this house……besides, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with a holiday in October – less crowds and lower cost.
So today is the first of my 183 day long fishing season, 26 weekends, but bliss, oh bliss, I’ve retired, the days are my own, nearly, so my target is for 100 days minimum fishing ! – I’ve found a local guy who will cut the lawns, the newspaper boy will walk my dog twice a day, I’ve engaged a local DIY guy to clean and paint the gutterings, a local farmer will top my fields for beer tokens, all of these come at what I think is a very reasonable cost which enables me to make maximum beneficial use of my membership. It is of course, this ancillary planning that racks the costs up, so why can’t she realise that the more days I fish, the daily cost also becomes lower ….mmmm, on reflection, ….that could get difficult, her feminine mental arithmetic skills would instantly come into play, she’d apply one of those peculiarly female conversion rates, Guerlain, L’Oreal, or her current favourite seems to be Jimmy Choo, whoever he is, I suppose that I’m fortunate really because she is so frugal and careful. She tells me that everything she manages to buy, is during a ‘sale’, or at ‘half price’ or ‘two for one’ – I’m still astonished she bought that MaxMara Scelta coat with Nectar points !